she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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