The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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