I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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