my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
