The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
