I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't deserve a penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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