I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize