That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
