Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
