dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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