If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
