So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
