I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize