i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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