Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
