You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk is not a location!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
