So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
