I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
