You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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