Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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