from now on my penis is your penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
