I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
