Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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