My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
