plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
