I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
