I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
