He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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