dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
