wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
