my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
