All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
