thus making me awesome and them whores
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
