i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
