She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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