I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize