I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
