Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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