Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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