i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
