So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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