So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
