Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
