You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
