I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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