I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
