Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
