Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
