He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
