you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
