no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
