Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
