And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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