y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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