We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
