My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
