I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
