i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
