dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
