I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
