I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
