chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
