just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
