meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
