I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
