Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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