you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
