her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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