is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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