SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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